last day...last day haha ! Welcome 2010 !

New Year's eve ,an another sad evening for me. Maybe you all have someone there to be with but here i m sitting alone. But it doesn't bother me now, theres always something to do on the internet (like coming here!). Needless to say, but i m not in the best of moods and decided to just stay home, watch movie and will go to bed early to try and get through the memories of this year with the least amount of tears as possible. But at the same time, it signifies something much bigger - a new year! new beginning, new hope, like a breath of fresh air! So, even though it is sad that I am not with my friends, at the same time it is a very happy time - I Thank GOD 2009 is ending, and I can't wait for 2010!

 2009 was a terrible year for me ....bye bye old, nasty 2009! see ya! soon this 31st Dec night will be over and a whole new year will be here. So enjoy and whatever you are doing, have a good one. And hey, I wouldn't feel odd being alone. I've found now that a lot of people just stay at home and have a quiet time, me being one of them. So cheer up! I think we are in the majority! I guess one positive point about it is that while everyone else wakes up on New Years morning (or afternoon) feeling like their eyes are bleeding and their tounge has been replaced by a large stinky sock, I feel just fine! :) ( Lol,i guess I'm getting old and boring).

aal is well !

Hey champak, vese to nobody reads my blog but agar tum ye post galti se pad rhe ho to apne PC ka volume low kar and ekdum phull concentration se sun. Main kal 3 idiots dekh kar aya or abb main tujhe story batata hun. Accha accha, gusse ki missile matt launch karr, nahi bata raha yaar.

But watch 3 idiots. Even if you are the Hollywood ka paseena , angrezo ka choota hua samaan types person who goes "Hind-ee movies ? Eeeks . So stupeed nooo ? All that dancing around trees and bushes and heavy sareees and threee hour long . I nayver waatch hind-eee movies .Hindi moviess are roobish."

Watch 3 idiots. Even if you have no paisa in teri pocket . Girlfriend se maang , Dad ke fake sign karr , dost ki bike dhokar kamaa , kidney bhech de , intestines bhech de , saale eyes ke alaawa sab kuch bhech de .Eyes matt bhech diyo. Nahi to saari movie mein yehi poochta rahega saath wale se - "Bhai saab , Aamir ki entry ho gayi kya movie mein ?"

Watch 3 idiots . Even if tujhe Hindi itni hee samajh mein ati hain jitni Tom Hanks ko bhojpuri . Saath mein Hindi translation dictionary leja , kisi hindi speaking uncle ko saath le ja , na mile to hall mein saath wale se poochta rahiyo "Umm.Excuse me . I can see Aamir . But what is he saying ?". Abbe teri , but agar tujhe hindi hee nahi ati , to tu yeh jo main type karr raha hun yeh bhee to nahi palle pad raha hoga charlie chaplin ! Kisi aas paas wale ko yeh pada and pooch main kya bol raha hoon .

Watch 3 idiots . Even if you think I am out of my mind . Main jaanta hu main bakwaas likh raha hun but I don't care . Yaar main kya karu , mujhe ek problem hain , mein jyada sochta nahin kuch likhne se pehle . Main abhi aadhe ghante pehle apni angelic neend se jaaga and gym miss karr diya so mujhe koi kaam nahi hain . Main hindi mein likh raha hoon kyunki main basically Hindi mein sochta hun .Mere parents toffee ko toffee kehte hain , candy nahi . My mom still looks at me watching Star Movies and says 'tujhe samajh aa jata hain yeh angrez itni tez tez kya bolte hain ?' . So mere bheje ka primary channel hindi mein hee chalta hain
. Abbe main off track kyun ja raha hun . Aye saala, tu 3 idiots dekh k aa.

Treat boys and girls equally

A long time ago , people used to watch a channel called doordarshan. If you still watch this channel, please contact the Discovery Channel team. I hear they are making some kind of documentary on "eccentric personalities and their eccentric preferences" , and they will love to feature you.

I think cable TV entered indian lives sometime in early 1990s. And before cable Tv we indians have only two channels to watch. One.Two.And then back to one. This channel, doordarshan, ran a regular news bulletin. The news there was read by women as sexy as Uma Bharti and men as hot as a cold coffee. And that was typical doordarshan. But thats not the point. The point is the break between the news bulletin. The time when those government sponsored advetisements came on. Say NO to drugs. Say NO to drinking. Say YES to "kandom". And say NO to girl discrimination. It showed stuff like a girl saying "bapoooooo main padna chahti hoon " , "main apne feet pe stand karna chahti hoon" , "main daaactar banna chahti hoon".These advertisements ended with the girl smiling and clutching her degree victoriously .And then the message flashed :

Stop discriminating between boys and girls.ladka ladki barabar hain. Treat boys and girls equally.

 And I plead with the world around me. Treat boys and girls equally.Take away the huge advantage girls get at every step of life. Stop this. Stop treating the "UNFAIR" sex ( thats boys ) unfairly. Anyways, Let me explain the ways boys are treated unfairly. There may be villages called daaruhera and jharsa where men drink "desi" hooch till midnight, go home , and beat their wives till the wine shop reopens. But I have never been to that village and can only write about what I see.

Have you ever driven a blood red BMW at 160 kms per hour with the car stereo playing loud music ? Neither have I. Instead I have to use a combination of auto ride , bus ride and metro train to get to home, everytime i go somewhere which is more than 20kM away from my home ( below 20km i prefer my scooter ). Now lets talk about asking for a lift. I stand with my sleeves rolled up and shirt loosened. I stick up my thumb to every passing vehicle. I keep an expresssion as if my wife is to have a delivery in three minutes and I need a lift. Still I have to wait for almost half the duration of a soccer match before some guy on a shaky scooter decides to stop for me.

And then this girl walks up next to me and stands there, seeking a lift. And the next leather clad guy on his monster bike,  halt almost grazing my toes , let the dust cloud settle , looks back at the girl and asks "need a lift ,miss ?". She leaves with the uzbekistan wrestler clone. And i keep on my "I need a lift" show running.

Scene moves to the DTC bus. I am not a huge guy. So a lot of girls are capable of mashing me and stuffing me to make a stuffed parantha. But still these broad shouldered , biceps flaunting girls have these ladies seats reserved for them. I have to stand in the crowded bus and struggle to keep my nose away from the armpits of the guy to my left and to keep my butt away from the "dance master"-ish gay looking guy on my right.

Now for the interviews. Me in a starched white shirt. Navy blue trousers. Black polished shoes. The interviewer looks like a cross between a crocodile and kadar khan. I hand in my certificate file. He hardly looks at them. How many types of fan regulators do you know about ? , he asks with a frown. But sir, I am a computer engineer, I protest. He looks at me angrily .Havent u studied electrical engineering in 3 Sem ? I cant tell him that I got 51% marks in electrical engineering and dont know much about a fan and regulator. I am out before you can spell regulator.

The next candidate in is a girl. White starched salwaar kameez. Enchanting smile. Pretty eyes. Heavenly ears. Wonderful nose.Even the hair in her nose would have looked marvellous. She walks in. The crocodile-kadar khan cross looks at her and forgets about his overweight and loud wife. He smiles widely. She sits down. She hands him her file. He goes through it with the interest of a teenager going through a porn magazine for the first time. OHHH , you have learnt Bharatnatyam ?? !! Tell me about it , miss ! And the next 10 minutes are about the "mudraas" and whatever ways they twist their bodies in Bharatnatyam. And then the interview ends.No fan regulators. She is selected. I get ready for some other crocodile clone some other day.

And the list is endless. I am running out of time so would have to stop my outpouring about the gut wrenching discrimination I as a boy have faced till now. But believe me , its for real. And getting really real by the day as I watch the world around me. By now, the women liberation movement supporter in you would be itching to send a crowd of angry and agitated broad shouldered women to my place. So as I get ready to leave now , you guys just remember the Doordarshan advertisement. Treat boys and girls equally. I have to go now. If anybody also want to share his discrimination experience please leave it as a comment.

Total waste of time

Today while surfing the net i clicked on one link which says - "Know your future". There i have to answer some questions and then they will tell me my future by sending me a mail. But bcoz i wasted my time in answering to those stupid questions i want to share this with all of you. so here i go.

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it .

Mar jaawa mirchi kha ke , these guys are talking about painful memories right away . I have a strong belief that any decent young man without a history of police encounters or public beatings should not have any scars on his 'jism'. So after a prolonged examination of the wonderland that my body is , I proclaim I have no scars on my body . I know the question demands to find a scar and even talk about how I got it as if it's the world cup trophy , but then what do I do if I have no scars ? Ab blog post ke liye I won't go around asking people "Bhai saab, please stab me thoda sa, I need to write about the scar on my body ."

2. What does your phone look like ?

Whoever designed this quiz must have been a girl . And when I say girl , I mean the 100% girly girl , who screams 'Cho chweeeeeeet' everytime looks at a baby ( Itni excite ka 'cho chweeet' bolti hai ki baby diaper mein susu kar deta hain) . I mean , no male , unless he is under the influence of alcohol , would ask a question like "What does your phone look like?". But anyway , my phone looks like..umm..surprise...a phone ! . If you are still amazed , it has a keypad and a screen too ! . And it is as brown as Janet Jackson. Chalo ho gaya. Ab phone ke baare mein aur kya documentary banau ? Phone hai ustaad , global warming nahi hain.

3. What is your current desktop picture ?

Arre ab kahan wo zamaana . If i was living alone, then you would have got a rangeen reply . You know what kinda desktop pictures we keep when at home - sunsets , palaces , gardens , monuments , waterfalls etc etc . Waise right now I see myself smiling at me on the desktop. Hi anuj.(because my wallpaper has perfectly black background with no image on it, just a clean black wallpaper. Esa lagta hai jese black diamond kaali mhendi ka pouch khol k lga diya ho desktop pe) .

4. Do you believe in gay marriage ?

Huh ? Oye gay marriage hain , koi UFO thode hee hain jo pooch rahe ho "Do you believe ?". I believe a marriage is a union of two minds , who then commit to tread the path of life together , facing all adversity and celebrating all joys together , and helping each other grow in the process . Gay or otherwise , the essence of a marriage is unaffected by such issues. Subhan allah , ekdum miss world waala answer diya na !

5. What do you want more than anything right now ?

Watch 2012 (movie) . Looks like all my friends are either married or committed to find time to go out with me . All boys outings ka to zamaana hee nahi raha . I am planning to go alone to watch this movie. (note:- if anybody interested, contact me but u have to buy your own ticket. Please dont come with any expectations).

6. What time were you born ?

On a mildly cool afternoon, that fateful day in february, 1985 , I was delivered into this world , with no indication of the fact that I was to grow up to become the wonderful and charming young man I am today :P. Within seconds of my being born , a pretty nurse with big eyes wrapped me into a soft white blanket . As she was turning back to get something else , I suddenly gripped her finger with my tiny palm , pulled her towards me and asked her in my newly discovered voice - "Aunty , time kya hua hain ?."
You actually think all this happened ? Nahi na . So how am I expected to know what time it was when I was born ?

7. Are your parents still together ?

Oye ! Abbe western culture ke poster , humare India mein parents remain together . They are very much together and have no dangerous plans . Shaadi mein fevicol khaayi thi mummy papa ne , mazboot jod hain , tootega nahi.

8. Last person who made you cry ?

Me . I believe no one else can make me cry . Tears arise out of what I do with the thoughts in my head . ( Kaafi profound hain yeh jawaab , samajh na aye tho koi nahi )

9. What is your favorite perfume / cologne ?

Yaar main koi Page 3-socialite-fashion designer types hoon jo itna perfume conscious hunga ? Apna 100 rupye mein axe deo lekar use karta aa raha hoon saalo se .Ladkiyan to ad mein hee attract hoti hain . Real life mein tho 'Namaste Bhaiyya' hee kehti hain.

10. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex ?

I m very adjusting and easy going person. You ask about the colors , even a lack of hair and eyes is totally cool with me ( Jyada bol gaya emotional hokar , maybe I won't be totally cool with a girl who looks like a blind Anupam Kher ).

11. What are you listening to ?

'Wake me up when september ends' from 'Greenday'. The first time someone told me there is a song which goes "Wake me up when september ends" , I thought it was about kumbhkaran in ramayan.

12. Do you get scared of the dark ?

Not if there is Katrina kaif in the same room .

13. Do you like pain killers ?

Like ? What's there to like or dislike in a pain killer ? If there is pain , I take the pill . You don't expect me to 'like' pain killers and yell "Mummy ! Aaaj lunch mein aloo ke paranthe aur pain killers bana do ! Bahut din ho gaye accha khaana khaye hue !."

14. Are you too shy to ask someone out ?

I am as 'besharam' as a C grade tamil movie . Aati kya 2012 dekhne ? Ab bolte to "aati kya khandaala' hain , but i dont wanna go anywhere which is near Pune.

15. If you could eat anything right now , what would it be ?

The guy who put so stupid questions in this tag . With some tomato ketchup.

16. Who was the last person you made mad ?

Mummy. I do that very frequently.

17. Is anyone in love with you ?

Ladies , this question is for you. Aaju baaju mat dekh , baat dil ki bol daal.

All bakwaas

Well , I know , I know . It’s been almost 20-25 days since something breathed on this blog. Struck by a case of ‘I miss him’, around a dozen girls all over the country have killed themselves, another seven are being rushed to hospital and I can’t even count the ones who are out on Sunday shopping for nylon ropes and rat poison pills right now. But here I am, so chill, breathe and smile, for I am still single and confused. Anyways, a lot of water has flown under the bridge since I last wrote ( I know, my usage of English idioms is ekdum Zabardast :P ).

Now some news from my past 20 days -

• On last to last weekend, I realized, that I need to clean my computer table, my almirha and my jhugi (room to hai hi nahi mujh gareeb k paas :( ). So Ladies, Gentlemen and Karan Johars , I hereby wish to inform you, with great pride, and a jhadoo in my hand, that I have cleaned out my room , and it looks sparkling now. In fact, my neighbour spotted me sweeping the floor, he actually commented something about the sun rising in the west, or something equally impossible. Very smart. I think I need to molest his younger son to teach him a lesson now.
• 
  
• last weekend, I went to Gurgaon for a friend’s wedding. But what unsettled me was that this friend, who always said - "main to kabhi shaadi nahi karunga", looked confused during his wedding. Some hours before the wedding, he told me ‘I hope I am doing the right thing.’ I looked up from the glass of orange juice ( Note – Another fluid has been replaced with Orange Juice for the purpose of this post), and said “Bhai, I don’t know if you are doing a right thing or a wrong thing, but you are definitely doing it, because now I have spent my money buying you a wedding present, and I am not going back for a refund.” So he went ahead with it and is in Egypt now on his honeymoon. One of the few chaps who went to a ‘mummy’ when most of us would never want our mothers around on our honeymoons.
• 
  
• Last week one girl called me a mama's boy when she heard me saying "mummy, 7 baje tak aa jaaunga" on phone. I said "Yeah, I am a mama's boy. I love my mom. And I totally understand it if people from your side of the world eat their mothers, but we dont. We love them all our lives." I actually said that. If you ever needed to understand what a stunned woman looks like, you should have been there.
• 
  
• Some days back, a friend of mine, who seems to be a male from what I know of him, commented that I am a lovable person. I still have not decided if that is to be classified as a compliment or a gayish attempt at molestation.
• 
  
• One of my frnd is helping me to drive car these days. I past a biker so close yesterday, I think his shirt still got car paint on it. He was high on DVDs of Dhoom series. Was doing that wavy zig zag thing ahead of car and not letting me pass. I quit honking, switched the gear and zipped right past him, leaving around half an inch between car and him. And I did it with a smirk. Music does it. Rock on the car radio. And I am a Salman Khan on the road . You better not sleep on the pavement outside your home.
• 
  
• These days i wake up at 7 am, as i joined gym. Bcoz after coming back from pune i become bit health conscious. But here in delhi my mom ruined my all dieting plans. so I need to watch my weight now. I mean ,i dont wanna see little kids with there fingers pointing at me and yelling ‘Look mama , that ball has legs !”. A little bit of physical activity never killed anybody , unless that activity resulted in pissing off Mike Tyson.
• 
  
• Right now, there is this domestic problem at my home – my mom’s purse is missing. Now , under normal circumstances, if anything goes missing in my home or in a radius of 20 kilometers around it, my mother just walks up to me and says “Where is it ? Bata kuute ! Jab dekho pange leta rheta hai. Maje mat le, bta jaldi. Tell me if you want to get dinner!”.
• 
  
• In other news, the probability of me getting engaged is at its peak now. Mai kisi bhee waqt paraya credit card ban sakta hoon. Haha majak tha yaar, but I appeal to all the ladies who have been secretly admiring me from behind pillars, ghoonghats, bushes, trees and other places of hiding, to please step out and declare your undying love towards my C grade and misunderstood brand of humor, my newly developed husband-ish skill of cleaning rooms or aab to main patla bhi ho gaya hun ladkiyon. I personally believe that I am one of the last remaining specimen of Men who have that finely balanced personality mix of Akshay Kumar, George Clooney and Guddu Rangeela. What, Guddu Rangeela who? Arre bhai, Guddu. Apna Guddu ! He is a Bhojpuri Actor who just demonstrated his skills in the smash hit bhojpuri movie, Daroga Babu Bade Kadak. I think I dance exactly like him. (Is se phele ki koi mujhe ye bole - "tu bhojpuri movies bhi dekhta hai?" let me clear that this man does not exist, joke tha bas). Anywayz, coming back to the appeal, you need to act now, ladies. Guys, if you are adequately rich, you can push in an application too.

Chalo yaar ! before I go back, I want to ask you a thing. I want you to be more honest and tell me what you don’t like about me. If you feel there is something about me you don’t like , tell me. I don’t promise you that I will attempt to change myself, but I promise you I will attempt to find out where you live and stab you when you are out on your morning walk. Ok chill, seriously, tell me what you hate about me. I won’t kill you.

Experiment

Alrighty, so its been a while and i have some more feelings that need to be disposed. For the past few weeks, I've been carrying, a sort of experiment, you could say. I don't make the effort to talk to my friends, to call them, whatever. It's because when I did try extremely hard to stay close with them, I was pushed aside by the them as if they dont care.

I noticed something though, people want you more when you act like you don't care. Although the basis for my experiment was that I had heard that it was human behaviour to want something you can't have; I did not neccessarily think of it as true. But some of my friends that I had so long ago drifted apart from, and the very same that I so desperately tried to cling onto, came crawling back. They wanted to talk to me, they wanted to be in my life, they wanted me to know about their lives and same vice versa. At first, I was in shock, could this truly be? Could this silly little idea I had heard, actually be true? I had my evidence in front of me and I finally realized how to keep my friends with me. And then I realized something, it's the same in relationships. When you try to hold on to your loved ones, they want to move further and further away; but if you keep yourself a little distant from them, they don't want to leave your side (most times).

Now, this is not always true. I'm not saying that this theory is always correct. By me distancing myself from my loved ones, I had a lot to lose. What if they had not wanted to love me as much as I did them? What if they thought "good riddance" and forgot about me? I realized it was a chance, that had to be taken; and I did. Now, I'm not telling you to go out there and stop talking to everyone you adore because I'm telling you to. I'm telling you to cherish what you've got but, at the same time, don't cherish it too much. There's an old saying and it goes something like this "Don't make someone your everything, because when they leave, you'll be left with nothing."

A forgotten page from that brown little notebook

I will respect my elders.
I will help others.
I will say the truth.
I will be a good human being.

Sometime in the late eighties. A school classroom. Charts with drawings in crayons hang around its walls. A lady teacher with thick plastic rimmed glasses, facing a class of four year olds, who sit on little wooden chairs and write the above lines in their brown little notebooks.There is a child on first bench. She makes the short children sit in the front so that she can see when they are not listening. That child writes down the lines too with his chicken scratch handwriting. That child used to spell a being as beeng at that time. But he did write the lines.

I will be a good human beeng.

A simple sentence. A sentence that is made up of simple thoughts. Respect elders. Help others. Be kind. Say the truth. Four year olds are innocent people. They believe everything their teachers tell them. That child too believed what she told him. That he was to be a good human being when he grows up. That child wanted to be a good human being when he grew up.

Twenty years later, that child sits on the chair in front of his PC typing words you read now. He has grown up now. He studied his books. Went on to become an engineer. Over the years, he was faced with a lot of choices. And he made many choices. I don't know if he evolved, but he changed.

Amongst the trigonometry lessons, the thick books of software engineering and the prolonged lectures on computer languages , he forgot that sentence he wrote in that little, brown covered notebook that day. No, wait. Maybe he did not forget. But he did not care much about it. The world did not care much about it, either. Nobody, including himself, asked “Are you a good human being, as you promised once ?”

They applauded only when u proved urself better than others. Faster than others. Sharper than others....Being a good man did not matter much to anybody, and he believed it did not matter to him as well. He was no longer that child. I have not been good so far. I have hurt people, I have said things which have tore apart hearts of good souls, I have been indifferent , not caring about who I really am now, who that child was, and not caring if me and the child would ever meet again, talk again, be one again.

But today, the dusty clouds have parted a little, and a long forgotten, once familiar sound of a child has managed to flow in like the first rays of a winter dawn. And the voice says “I wanted to be a good human beeng . Why have you become this ? Don’t you remember me ?” And today, the grown up man wants to listen to that child, and believe in that child, and be that child. Because after a long time, he has found that he wants to become a person who believes in being good more than being better. Who wants to help a million hands rather than to control a million people. who looks at the world from the selfless eyes of that child I once was, without the layers of selfishness this life wraps around us adults .

The white cloud of simplicity I have found, gives me the strength to try to be that child again, to realize who I really am, and to be good again. I know people will read this. Some people will think I am not a good man. Some people will think I am not practical enough. Some people will think I will change. Some people will think that i probably would forget these words soon enough. Some people will think I do not have the courage to be who I say I want to be. Some people will think I do not know what I really want to be. Some people would not understand, and will think I do not understand.

All I can say is, I know what this means to me. And I do not expect many to understand what this means to me. I am talking to that child again. Even though I do not have that brown little notebook today , that page has not been clearer to me before today. And I will be a good human “beeng”. Maybe not faster. Maybe not sharper. Maybe not a winner for the world. But definitely a good human being.

The Great Indian Wedding

A sad horse. A more sad guy on the horse. Bright lights. Sweaty men dancing on loud filmy songs on the street. Ladies wearing more gold than with the RBI. Smell of cologne in the air. Old women with 'dholak' singing songs which no one understands. Spending forty minutes in the cosmetic store to find the lipstick to perfectly match the color of the saree. Welcome to 'The great Indian wedding. Its one of the most extraordinary things I see in this funny world. I dont know how weddings take place in Southern India or some other parts. But i guess the weddings there are simple and perfectly human.

But attending a typical north Indian wedding leaves me pretty gasping and shaken. It takes couple of days to feel like eating after attending a wedding. My Uncle's son ,who allegedly failed twice in class X and now runs coaching center for kids is getting married. My first move is to protest.
Me with *ready-to-suicide-look* to parents: I dont wanna go. All that noise. All that lights. All those plastic smiles people.
Parents with *ready-to-kill-look* to me: you have to grow up (complan?). And if you dont go, who will care to attend your wedding ?

*note - Looks like my parents really want a lot of people to attend my wedding ,if it happens. So I will send out cards to all of you. Please turn up. Get along your families , neighbours ,old classmates , school principal , tailor , postman , milkman , anyone. Just build a HUGE crowd.*

So I have to go to that uncle's son wedding. The D day dawns. The day when a man and wife would promise to tolerate each other and throw things at each other and spy on each other for the rest of their lives and a day when a few hundred fools, including me, would cheer this amazing moment by eating a lot.The 'baraat' is to assemble near "something something Public School" and would proceed towards the "Bla Bla farmhouse" where the bride and her battalion would be waiting. I reach the spot near "something something public school". Fat ladies with thick lipsticks, jewellery enough to pull down a weak man to the ground , half inch makeup layers. Big fat men. Loud laughs. Ill fitting suits. Hair swept back. Cellphones in hand. Young girls looking like cosmetic showrooms. Now being from the groom's side, I have to be a part of this "Baraat".

Now this is the most depressing part. The groom is made to sit on a horse. In the 21st century ,with people zooming along in luxury cars, this guy sits on a "count-my-ribs"type horse brought on rent. Infact a female horse. A 'ghodi' in hindi. Whats that called in english ? A horsess ? (haha sorry i dont know) And a huge "Bunty Band" which starts beating drums and blowing trumpets. And they are super sonic loud.LOUD. So loud that even Obama in the White House would know that the 'Baraat' is started from "Something Something Public School".Real Loud. And the fat aunties and the fat uncles and the pretty girls and the young guys slowly start to slip into the area before the animal(ghodi) carrying the poor guy. They start with shaking sheepishly but before the poor animal knows whats happening, they explode into highly physical vibrations. All the loud band and the dancing people and the guy on the top of him makes the animal shit twice on his way to the farmhouse.

We reach the farmhouse. My parents get busy with all the friends. The dancing party breaks up and promptly attacks the snacks area. I grab one cold drink and look around. Soon people are pushing and falling over food. Looks like a Flood relief camp. One of my aunt introduces me to a girl of my age who is preparing for BTech.

Me *end-to-boredom-relief-expression*: "Hi, Im Anuj."
She *dollar-dreams-expression*: "Hi.How did you prepare for BTech?"
Me *not-again-expression*: I jumped off a Punjabi bagh flyover. That really helps. Try it." (Mujhse to ese puch rahi hai jese maine IIT clear kara tha with 1st rank)
She *confused*: "Eh..he he..um..joke?"
Middle aged ladies keep coming to me and ruffling my hair.
Middle aged lady : "Recognise me beta?"
Me ( thinking to myself): She looks like Mayawati.
Me ( smiling to her) : "Aishwarya Rai?"
Middle Aged Lady (slapping my arm real hard) :"he he he...you wont change ever."

And everyone puts effort for grabbing ice creams and soups from waiters goes on and on and on till the guy and the girl put mala (whats that call in english?) around each other necks and go around a burning stove 7 times. Finally the girl leaves crying on every shoulder around and it is time for me to go home.

A genuinely stupid and tiring day. We get home,unlock the main gate and I habitually check the mailbox before getting in. Aha,there is something in there. A wedding invitation card. Thapar uncle's son who as a kid, stole eggs from the departmental store and is a cop now ,is getting married. Wedding after a week. My esteemed presence on this auspicious occasion is requested. Ahhh......Life is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.

Empty

When I was a little kid, I thought adults lead the most cool life. I never saw my dad learning multiplication tables of 2 to 20. I never saw mom have to learn about the Maurya empire and the guys they screwed in wars. Parents could watch TV whenever they want.They could be awake till late night. And being the only son has some lovely downsides to it. Like every little nick on my knee was seen as a tetanus case and my shorts was pulled down and one of the injections was pumped in. So i wished i would grow up fast to stop them from pulling down my shorts whenever they want.

But in spite of shorts pulled down , there is something very cool about being a kid. When you are a kid, life is like an unopened box. You dont know what will come out of it. Maybe chocolates , maybe spiders , maybe rabbits , maybe toilet paper. And that gives a very beautiful sense to a kid - a sense of wonder. It is not the same as worry. The kid is not old enough to worry about his future. So he does not view any future situation and runs his little mental calculator and think -"What should i do ?". A kid is just a kid. He has no tension and no worries of the future. He just views the fun going around him with awe and amazement. A ride on daddy's shaky scooter amazes him. A fly on the table amazes him. Crawling of ants on the floor attracts him. Atleast I was attracted by them when I was a kid.

And he aint an mba or doctor or engineer or fashion designer or a gangster or a barber yet. A kid can imagine he would grow up and be anyone. He can imagine becoming a firefighter and rescuing young girls from a girls hostel on fire and then walking off into the sunset with all of them. He can imagine becoming a cricketer and hitting 147 off 93 balls and then grab 5 wickets for 11 runs to help India win the world cup. He can imagine becoming a Bill Gates and wipe his running nose with dollar notes. All that I can imagine now is working my smooth ass at some airconditioned office , and come home to watch some movie and crashing to the bed.

Im living like im watching a jim carrey movie for the 21st time. Im enjoying it , but I know whats coming next. Or maybe I am not interested in whats coming next. The life box has been opened and I know life is nothing more than an alternation of sweet chocolates and awful medicines. I have had heartbreakingly difficult times and Ive seen amazingly good times. I know what life can do to me. Its like I feel every victory or defeat is trivial. Because life is just a prime time slot given between birth and death. whatever we achieve here aint so important, is it ?

All the boyish things which seemed fun to me some time ago seem...well...boyish to me now. All this jealousy and ego around is making me turn away from some people. I am turning more and more of a private person. I spend hours in my room with music. I never had any dreams of flat plasma televisions with surround sound or those long black cars which have six doors. All i used to dream was of a happy and close family life. But lately I am starting to see all relations as a source of attatchment and misery in the long run , and thats a scary and empty feeling to have. I love my parents and a few other people. But I feel too much attachment causes pain to all. I care a lot for them but I dont want to possess anyone now. I would give my life for them , I dont want to own their lives. I just want to let go. I just dont want to cling to anything. Maybe I fear losing it. Sometimes I feel I have forgotten to love. People say I am turning away from them. I feel I am turning in to myself.

Some people spend their lives searching for what they want. Some people spend their lives searching that what it is that they want. I just live each day and dont even want to search because I feel I just do not want anything. Life is peacefully empty. I do not know if I want it to change. Something needs to be different maybe. I am not sure, Maybe I need to shake up the kid in me. The life box needs to throw up something i dont know. I need to rediscover the sense of wonder. I think ill start by redeveloping an interest in crawling of ants on the floor.

Craving for sunshine

During my 3rd year, an article was published in "Education times" about B.Techs. It said that a B.Tech passout commanded an average annual salary of 5 lakhs. One of my uncle read this article. He gasped, quickly got up from the desk, took out his cellphone and dialled my Dad's number with trembling fingers. "u know wat, your son is going to get a minimum of 5 lakhs per year as a starting salary. The details of the sensational week article were duly passed on to my Dad. My dad dropped the Files on the floor of the office, did a little dance, and yelled "my son will be rich" so loudly that the window glasses of buildings within a radius of 4.23 kilometers of the office cracked. Then he called my mom and she also dropped the plate carrying the potatoes she was peeling , dropped the kitchen knife she was peeling the potatoes with and staggered to the nearest chair.

I hope that was exciting enough. Now picture the exact opposite of this. It was me who read the article. Later, when I talked to my parents about this and all jileilahi stuff, they said - " Isko kuch ho gaya hai....doctor k paas le k jana padega......iske dimag main lagi hai lagta hai".

My family is a "small dreams" family. And this has been inherited by me. My idea of a perfect day at the age of 50 is taking out my cute little wife and two cute-er and little-er kids to a comedy movie , laugh a lot with them , throw popcorn at people , sing loudly with the songs in the movie , then go to a little cosy restaurent for dinner , spill a lot of food , laugh a lot , drop things in each other's glasses when they aint looking , and then sneak home without paying the bill :P. I dont know if I ll get that "potato-dropping-window-glass-shattering" salary , and to be as honest as a lie detector machine, I dont even care.

Being an educated person assures me that I will attain a minimum standard of financial status, that I would not need to sell my wife's "mangalsootra" and my daughter's barbie collection to buy dinner. So money is no more a motive in my life. I am intent on loving what I do. All I want is a nice and simple life. Where nobody cries much, and even if they do, there are always people to offer a nice smelling handkerchief. And it is this simplicity and innocence which the world seems to be losing. Looks like a little dream of an innocent smile is becoming too much to ask for.

A 13 year old girl was raped few days back in Calcutta. Raped in front of her parents, by four men. They watch their little girl undergo something she is too young to understand. Is it foolish to dream and hope in such a world ? I say this to myself and my friends, but is life really beautiful ? All I want is a life bathed in a little bit of sunshine, but is the darkness is too much ?

Hurry Om Hurry !

So many people are in so much hurry. I don't know y? mayb these guys know where they want to go to and they want to get there fast. You see, driven, focussed people, achievers type log. Aage badne wale log, vo log jo NDTV Profit pe bethe rhete hain. Maybe I am just a slow guy who likes to listen to music, dont wanna achive n do anything while the world around me wants to reach the stars. You see, I don't have a problem with 'wanting to achieve things' type people. Everybody is in a hurry to get something. But what I don't understand is that why hurry ? Jaldi kya hai. Kidhar jaana hai? I mean, life is not in the future. Life is now, this moment.

When I was in school, people told me happiness is to study hard.....then they told happiness is to get good marks....then they told happiness is to get into some good institute and become Engineer/Doctor/Pilot....Now When I have done that, happiness is ? Hello ! What is it nowwww ? Bol do....Kidhar jaana hai ab?

So ladies and gentlemen, now that the world has been telling me what to do, this is what I have learnt - all the above stuff is important, but happiness is something they dont need to tell you about. It is something you feel. And only you decide what makes you happy. When others don't know where you want to be, how can they tell you how to get there?

Like for me, happiness is not in becoming successful n earning money but is in becoming satisfied n happy. For me, happiness is not in doing good job, not in doing higher studies, not in achieving position, not in earning 6-7 digits salary but for me happiness is: being at home, listening to my fav type of music, in helping others, in caring for someone I want to care for, in talking to someone who understands me and accepts me even when I am all boring, in speaking stupid senti things to my frnds/parents n they scold me - "Huh? Tujhe problem kya hai?", to meet my friends, in playing pranks with my friends, happiness is just in being me.

So you see, what makes me happy is stuff I have not achieved, but stuff, which I already have. So I know I need to achieve things, but hey, there is no hurry. Because I need to achieve things to survive. But to be happy, not much is needed. Some music, a plate of tandoori chicken with uhmm uhmm u know what i mean, is just fine for now.

Bye Pune :)

Alright...this has to be my quickest update till now....17 Aug 1:10pm ..last day in pune..tomm by this time i wud be sitting in delhi..i dunno wat to feel..these 6 months in pune werent easy for me but also changed me a lot...that guy who used to cry every night, has gotten transformed into someone who learnt to stay happy no matter what weird twists life gives him...and now he ll deal with all the shit in his life..he ll smile again..laugh freely...he ll move on..infact he already moved on..he ll no longer keeps thinking about one thing all the time...he knows now how to keep those troubled thoughts aside..he knows how its pointless to think about things which wont change for the better..he learnt to accept that certain things in his life dint work the way they should have...most of all he believes..his belief in god has become even stronger..he gives a damn to ppl around him ....he ll live life..every moment of it..we all hav one life n we should live it happily....and n he knows where his happiness is, so he is going back without thinking of any another thing.

wow...talking bout myself as third person is a lil weird! but its true if i should thank someone for totally changing my life, rebuilding it, its my parents who sent me here..i needed this badly..from the fucked up life that i led there..this was a total change n now i m more stronger n believe in myself.

but i am bit scared about how my life will be when i reach delhi....frends busy with their lives..most of all i cant figure out my own naukri scene....but i ll face these things strongly..though the one thing i am fearing most is going back to what i used to be before i came here..i dont want to be that guy..pune changed me ..and i want to take those changes with me...and most of all i m going back to my parents!!!to hoooooooooomee!!!to friends!!!i have missed my parents..my home..my friends!!! the part that ll always remains inside me..the most basic part..family frends and home...so i dont need to be so scared...

i was not happy in pune...but everything is the past now...i have learnt to be happy no matter what..i know i can deal with things ..i know things will be ok soon...so pune..with that note i guess i leave..n i ll not miss u pune hehe!!! i know a new life awaits me back there..and though things have changed but i promise myself i wont let it affect me..i wont loose myself to all my problems..ill be strong ..and i promise i wont loose the new me ever ever.i am not going back to what i was!!! the happiness in me is to stay forever!!!

Boyfrnd/Girlfrnd = Faltoo tension

A guy and a girl seated around a table. The guy pulls out a box of chocolates from his bag.

Scenario 1 -

Guy ( handing over the box to the girl ) – Hey , I got this for you , I guess you like chocolates.

Girl – Oh, Thank you ! I love them.

Girl thinks – Ueee ma, it would be fun eating all of these chocolates. Ek ek ko chaba daalungi.Calorie consciousness gayi tel lene

Scenario 2 -

Guy ( handing over the box to the girl ) – Hey , I got this for you , I guess you like chocolates.

Girl – Oh, Thank you ! I love them.

Girl thinks – Ueee ma , I am again accepting gifts from him , but over the last three weeks, he has been a little thanda. Since the time that new girl start speaking with him, he has not been in his normal self. See , even the chocolates he has gifted are Cadburys, why could not he gift me those Swiss ones….maybe he hates me now. Hell, I am so scared now, these chocolates look as tasty as a Dettol soap to me.

And it makes me appreciate a simple guy-gal frndship, rather than a girlfrnd-boyfrnd vali frndship. I mean , the “expectations/possession” ka funda sucks, when a girl is your girlfriend and not just a friend is one wierd issue , atleast with a ‘tension-nahi’ types insaan like me. I mean, I gifted her chocolates because she is a friend, and I wanted her to have fun gobbling them up, and thats it. And this kind of relation is so simple , natural and free of feelings and free of assumed expectations. But the moment a ‘proposal and acceptance’ takes place between a guy and a girl, things are transformed. Suddenly the girl, who was a friend till yesterday is a girlfriend.

Example se samjhata hun....Till last Sunday, Rahul (naam to suna hoga) and ummmm... Dia (Dia mirza nahi be) were classmates in college. Rahul called Dia his friend. Then Rahul proposed and Dia accepted. Now Rahul calls Dia “My girl”. I mean ,yeh “My girl” kya hota hai, yeh koi cycle hai, ki “my cycle” ?

Then if Dia decide to go out for a lunch with her ‘barso ka dost’ vineet, Rahul narrows his eyes and asks her “Tera koi chakkar hai kya uske saath?” and promises to throw export quality acid on her if the answer is yes.If Rahul does not send Dia a bunch of fresh roses on the anniversary of the day they first met in the college lab, Dia calls him up in the evening, says Hello, then some bla bla n ends up with “You are not the same, Rahul” followed by a slamming down of the phone. And Hanuman Jee na kare, if Dia goes out to shop and spots Rahul riding his bike with a pretty girl on the backseat, she will throw dangerously heavy things at Rahul till he shows her the birth certificate of that girl to prove that it was his sister, he was going to drop at her maths tution classes.

I mean, dekho jee, I have no experience of having a girlfriend, and considering my state of existence, I don’t think I will have girlfrnd vala experience in this life. But to my underdeveloped dimaag, a simple friendship is a very delightful relationship to have. Maybe all these complications between Rahul and Dia would not happen, and they will trust each other and that is very comforting and kaleje ko thanda karne wali thought. But I guess it is cool to let feelings grow naturally without the thing of “having to do it”. A true feeling needs no promise, and no promise can make an untrue feeling survive, so why promise and build expectations and lead to unfulfilled ones ?

You can yell “sour grapes, sour grapes” for me now. Infact, I am such a girlfriend-less guy, that even a forest of sour grapes may seem to be the reason behind my thinking. Maybe I am just too immature to handle all the responsibility and promises, a commitment demands. But in my opinion, one can be more easy, be a lot more frank, and a lot more natural with a girl who is just happy to see a box of chocolates instead of worried over some new girl with the colored hair.

In arms of sweetheart (hasina ki bahon main)

When I was a kid , having a girlfriend meant two things about the guy to me:

1. The guy ranks somewhere between actor and model on the looks index.
2. The guy ranks somewhere between Mukesh Ambani and Bill Gates on the financial standing index.

But now , not having a girlfriend says two things about the guy :

1. He is gay.
2. He is definitely gay.

I mean, I look around and see even guys in Tihar jail going around in the jail premises with the females from the ladies ward. Guys who aren't even close to respecting a woman have girlfriends . Even riksha-vala/sweeper/peon/sabji-vala has girlfriends. I guess most of the Indian guys in the age group of 16-30 have a girlfriend.(query - Can someone explain to me why having a girlfriend is termed "going around" ? Does it originate from the hindi films wherein hero and heroine spent countless hours running in circles around trees , bushes and water fountains ?). This boyfriend-girlfriend thing is like a toothbrush.You got to have one. See -
" Hi , I have brain cancer."
Thats ok , we all gonna die anyways.
"Hello , I lost my kidney."
Chill yaar, my uncle lost it too....he is of 80 now.
"Yaar, my house burned down last night."
Arre tension mat le yaar , these things happen.
"Hey , I dont have a girlfriend."
What ! Why did not you tell me about this ? Oh poor boy , everything will be fine.God can be real cruel sometimes...

And all this confuses me and poses a question - When everyone around me is "going around" , and I am single, and not a gay , why do I feel a girlfriend is a pretty ( or not-so-pretty) friend who eats up personal independence and hikes up phone bills ? To make things more clearer, let me imagine I have a girlfriend, whom I shall call xyz as a mark of respect to the Mathematics. Now let me see how 'going around' with xyz can affect my life.

1.xyz calls me up and finds my number to be busy .And even though the pre recorded Airtel voice says "The number you are trying to call is currently busy . Please try later" , xyz hears " The guy you are trying to call up is highly cheap. He is talking to some other girl right now and is expressing his undying love to her. He may claim he was talking to his mother. Dont trust him."
Soon after I disconnect the call to mummy , xyz calls me up and before I can say a hello, yells a "Go to Hell ! And take that girl along with you !" The sign of insecurity of xyz.

2.So its first date of me and xyz and she expects a gift . It's not just a gift , but a sweet 'nishani' which carries the memories of that lovely day , as girls says. So I go over to the Archies gallery and look at some stuff to give as a gift. After a couple of hours , I finally buy a gift which costs me more than the price of an island in the maldives :(. sign of demands/requests/expects of xyz.

3.The phone rings .

Me : "hello ?"
xyz : "Sniff..... Sniff."
Me : "Abbe kaun hai ? agle saal bolega kya ?".
xyz : " Sniff . It's me , xyz. Sniff.".
Me : " Oh ok . You have a cold ?"
xyz : "I am....crying....."(with some expectation of some caring words from me)
Me : "Oh . It sounded just like a running nose though.U know what, I saw movie yesterday.The movie got so boring towards the end ,even the chairs wanted to leave the hall ha ha ha."
xyz : " You will never understand...sniff...sniff...i m crying n u talking all this shit....go 2 hell."
Me: ?????????????.

The Sign of emotional intelligence and understanding a xyz needs from me .

4.Me and xyz at the Pizza Hut. While trying to balance a pizza slice, on its journey from the tray to my mouth, a particularly big onion piece slides off and lands on the table.

xyz :" Chee.Theek se kha na. Table manners ! You are disgusting".

While in my single days I could eat anything in any way now I need to take care with great manners ki dukaan. The sign of silly changes a xyz demands from me.

5.
Frnd: oye kal chal rha hai kya movie dekhne?
Me: nahi yaar, xyz k sath jana hai kal.
Frnd: parso chal le ?
Me: parso 4 baje k baad ho payega, uus se phele xyz k sath hun sara din.
Frnd: sunday chalen?
Me: yaar sunday ko xyz ka ek kaam hai, vo karvana hai, tum hi chale jaaoo.
Frnd: saale tujhe to phn hi nahi karna aaj k baad, xyz ka hi ho gaya hai tu to.

The sign of "snatching freedom and frnds".

About xyz, I have around 200 more points I can write against her. But still, saara zamaana, girlfriends ka deewana, so there must be something good about xyz. Just that I don't see it.As for the post title , it was just to keep you perverted minds, reading till the end . Main jaanta tha aisa subject title dekh kar tum padoge zaroor. Sudhar jao yar, Umar ka to lihaaz karo apni :p

Tanhayeeeeeeee Tanhayeeeeeeeee

Abhi kuch der pehle , as I was thinking to write some tips for my IT guys, on - "How to spend time when u r on bench" , one of my old friend buzzed me on Gtalk. Now , when I say old , it does not mean that he was born before the steam engine was invented , but I had not talked to him over the last atleast three years. So overcome by jazbaat and emotions , we talked about old school days , the teachers , some current haal chaal and other such heart warming issues ( A lot of issues and topics have been beeped out . Bahu betiyan bhee padti hai na yeh blog :P).Then he asked me for my cel no. and then he called me. We talked for about forty minutes . I could have talked more but then his dad is not yet into smuggling charas/brown sugar/garam masala and he very clearly said "Chal saale.Ab fone rakhne de.Isse jyada baat kari tho papa meri khaal utaar ke bech denge." Not very pleased with the thought of my friend's skin being sold in some market with a stallwaala yelling "Indian khaal Indian Khaal , sirf teen rupye per square metre", I agreed.

But long after I kept down the phone , one question which he casually asked to me during the conversation, kept goonjing (self invented word) in my ears - " Yaar Anuj , tera jaisa banda vahan reh kaise sakta hain ? Tujhe dekh kar tho lagta hai jaise tune paida hote hee nurse se gappe maarna shuru kar dia tha..tu rehta kaise hai pune mein ?" Now , the guy does have a point . Aaj main kasam khaake admit karta hoon that it has not been an easy time for me in pune over the last six months ( Ek tho yeh six months bada hee khatarnaak time frame hota hai, sunte hee mind mein college k semester ki awaaz aane lagti hain).

I have been staying in an ajnabee shehar , in a land where I am thousands of miles away from a single soul who actually cares , in a place where I am no more than a north indian . And all this has taught me one thing , it is this - Do not take the 'saath' of your family for granted . Yeh jo aapke mummy , papa , bhai , behan hai na , inn logo ka saath ek saaye ki tarah hota hai, jiska ehsaas tabhi hota hai jab aap dhoop mein nikalte hain (wha wha kya line likhi hai , jeeyo anuj jeeyo).For many of you , it would be so normal to hear your mother calling for you with a "Aao beta , khaana kha lo" . It would be so normal to watch a cricket game on the TV with your dad sitting besides you .

But all this seems as precious as World bank locker ka password, once you move away from home. Beta door yahan vada-paav aur bhel-puri ke desh mein jab office se wapas aaoge , when no one will be around to care if you are seven minutes away from dying a maut due to starvation , when you have to watch TV without ur family, then you realise what a family means .So while you are with your family , cherish every moment like, walk into the kitchen and try to pick up a hot parantha while your mommy scolds "kuute ! Thanda tho hone de !" . Watching TV with your family. Fight with your brother/sister over silly topic (Mere case main nahi coz main to ek loota vaaris hun puri jayedat ka :P). Because kya pata , kal ho na ho. (oye hoye ,post main senti touch dalne main to im xxxxtremly gud.)

But some good things have also popped out of this tanhayi tanhayi ki mp3 which has been playing in my life over the last six months . Umm..like I have learnt to be comfortable with myself. I can spend 120 years in a dark locked up room all alone now, although the company of any girl would not be a problem . I can proudly claim to be a man who can prepare tea , bread-jam sandwiches and a thick brown liquid which I call coffee . And I have learnt to eat lot of stuff which is called "hari sabjiyan (ghiya/tinda/tori....)" which looks more like Fried Ostrich balls (Eyeballs, ganda hi sochoge) floating in the blood, so mummy aab se aapko mere liye alag se kuch banana nahi padegaa and And I have ironed enough shirts, tshirts, trousers, jeans and other chote chote kapde, to feel proud of myself :P . I have also learnt to wash clothes n clean dishes. So with all these qualities i can say that i m the male version of a sundar , susheel and tikau bhartiya wife . And my marathi vocabulary has grown to a healthy four words now ( One of them is an abusive word . Self defence ke liye collection mein rakha hain ) . So, I can actually hold a conversation with a marathi for a minimum of seven seconds using my highly developed sign language skills and hmmm... andd... bas. Anyway, thanks 4 reading all my bakwaas jo main khali beethe likhta rheta hun.

Kya aap patla dikhna chate hain ?

First of all i begin with this, which i hope everyone of u have heard in those Tele brands ads featuring angrej log, u get to see at weird hours - "Main bahut motaaa thaaaa....! Mere dost mujhe bahut chidaate theeee....! Tabhi mere ek dost ne mujhe is product k baare main bataya, meri maniye ye bahut hi kifayati hai" (ohh... really ? first tell me how come u able to speak such a ramayan/mahabharat type hindi ??????)......."ye bahut hi aasan hai, bas is belt ko bandhiye or kuch der main hi farak dekhiye" oo yeeee !! this ad is not only about getting slim but also it makes u 20 yrs younger. u dont believe me ? see those girls carefully in ad or farak dekhiye....." Aur doston aabhi order karne pe aapko iske saath milti hain free yoga cds"...suna doston!! Go n grab it now!!!hahahaha!Gawddd......."aaaj ki duniya ka sach hai slim dikhna! or slim dikhne ka sach hai saralata! or saralata ka sach hai ye belt!!!" Watttt crap!!! ......."Toh der mat kariye,apne sapno ko sakar karne ke liye abhi order karen!"yeah guys!!What are you waiting for, order now!! With so many numbers flashing on the tv screen you cant even make out which one to call! ok these guys targeting either old people or poor people..but dude doesnt he know! poor people cant even afford your stupid belt!

Tele brands should be banned! Worst thing is that..they sprouted up on almost every channel n take up more than 5-10 minutes of the time slots. Weird female voice ..numbers flashing on the screen..silly people narrating even sillier experiences..take a break man!! And now our indian ad makers also start all this to cash in on people's inbuilt desire for money & beauty through C grade TV serial celebrities. Worst of them all is "SLIM SAUNA BELT" n it's range of same product under different names for every channel..(especially ZEE network) featuring blondes saying "Kya aap bhi aise flat abs chahte hain..? kya motaape ne aapke jeevan ko narak banaya hua hai? kya aap vo bikini pehn-na chahti hain par pahan nahi paati..?" hahaha....

But i also beat my brain sometime back (jab main bahut motaaa thaaa... haha) for what i should do to reduce my weight.Because i already tried gyming, exercising and also made lots of promises to myself like for jogging and dieting but my laziness and hunger was so endless desert that it actually stoped me doing all this.what can I do about it? Daily sun rays gleamed through my window and shouted at me: "Wake up you lazy bum, it's a brand new day! Go for a jogging now & start ur dieting today" but daily i kept all my promises behind and disobeyed it.so how i lost my fat, wondering ????? ok! now for all those who want to lose weight, here are some tips from me but these tips are for those only, who weigh more than there refrigerator hahahaha...:-

1. Want to look slim ? - hang out with fat guys.
2. Eat your food while staring into a mirror.... totally naked!
3. When eating donuts - only eat the center part and in case of burger throw out the center part.
4. Weigh yourself with only one foot on the scale and try to defy gravity.
5. Start eating your food with chopsticks.
6. Instead of carrying your laptop around - start carrying your desktop PC.
7. Attach Full-Length Mirror to your Refrigerator door.
8. Remove wheels from your grocery cart while shopping.
9. Use Superglue as Lip Gloss.
10. Don't burn off fat with a candle.... a blow torch will work quicker.
11. Running to the refrigerator is not considered as an exercise.
12. Start thinking that eating is sin.

I know that u ll not follow these tips so now i tell u the most important one - Do B.tech, leave ur home for ur job and come to bnglore/pune/chennei (plz select the lowest paying job if u hav options :P). Here u ll hav 2 options, either start eating the food available here (local dishes) or GO TO HELL. I m sure soon u ll start missing ur home (this includes ghar k paranthe/roti, ghar ki sabji, fruits, chole bhature, chat/tikki stuff, and all that jo mummy jabardasti khilati thi, that huge amount of Butter melting right on top of a hot Parantha .I challenge u all, show me a Parantha without Butter at my home, and I ll show you a Camel who can play Golf. I mean , aisa lagta tha makkhan hee serve kiya hai, galti se neeche ek parantha dab gaya.) and then u ll start planing to go back home leaving all this, and in this tension u ll forget to take ur meals.so guys do B.tech , leave ur home and u ll watch ur waist goes tiny and figure goes thin, it's going to be at last nice and slim. ohhh... ye to rhyming ho gaya ( i was a poet and i dont even know it), hmmm.... poetry k baare main bhi sochna padega, one more art in me lol hehe.But one thing is for sure, I'm not going back to the prantha-grab-run routine, which I have been sporting since I can remember myself.

Experiencing death

Have you ever felt what it feels like when you know you are going to die in the next few minutes? When you realize the next few minutes will be the last of your life? When you know you are meeting death and you are completely helpless? I am sure you haven't.And I really pray that you dont have to ever.Because what I experienced on 15th July 2009, I wont ever forget in my entire life.I thought it was all over,that I was going to die in the next few minutes.

15th July 2009 - I was coming back very late (11'O clock) from my office .As it was already 11, so transportation was not so gud at such a time in Pune and now i put icing on the cake....it was also raining :P hehe. One of my office colleague dropped me half the way to my flat, from where i have to walk towards nearby bus terminal which was about 1km away.As i was walking on the pavement, three drunk men approached me, one pointed a knife at me, another held me by collar and asked me something in marathi, i told them that i dont know marathi and then one of them asked “jo kuch bhi hai nikal jaldi”. Not having any another option i took out my wallet and hand it over to them. I was scared bcoz i knew some incidents happened in Pune where people have been killed even after having handed over everything to such thugs. They took out 600 bucks from it and asked me - "ghadi(watch) or mobile nikal.....aur paise nahi hain kya?".All of a sudden the three started looking back and started speaking amongst themselves in Marathi. As i looked back, i saw 4 persons were coming towards our side. By this time, they withdrew their stronghold on me. I was out of my mind , completely blank, dont know what to do now. As I came out of the shock i just pray to the God for my life n for the step which i was taking, to took advantage of the situation. I grabbed my wallet from that thief, pushed the one on my right strongly and then ran for my life. I ran for abt 1Km without looking back. While running, different thoughts starts coming to my mind bcoz i know that now if they able to catch me then i m gone, they ll not gonna leave me. Pictures of all those who r close to me start coming in front of me and than tears welled up in my eyes. The feeling that what ll happen to my parents if I die today was the worst feeling in my life ever. And then I thought of all my closed ones.All my friends whom I love so much. I really cant explain the feeling. I want each n everyone of them in those pictures to appear suddenly in front of me bcoz I wanna hug them and just wanted them to know that how much I luv u guys before I die. I dont ever want to leave you people without ever telling you how special you all are to me. Soon i saw one check post,i entered it and saw 3-4 policemen drinking. I told them about this, they said let’s go and find them.But till than there was no sign of them. Then I asked the policemen to accompany me back home, and so they did.

I was so near to death.Experiencing death come so close to me was terrifying. That incident make me realize that I love my life! There's barely anything that I have seen till now, there's so much I still wanna see, so much I still wanna live,so many people I am yet to meet,so many adventures I am yet to experience.I didnt want to die so soon.And I didnt want to die without telling my luved ones how much i love them and adore them. How much they mean to me. And as I write this tears again well up in my eyes. You never know whats gonna happen the next moment. You might just die the next moment. It happened with me it could have happend with anybody.So pls pls pls do tell all the people you love how special they are to you,what difference they have made in your life.Dont wait,just do it today because the next moment may never come.I used to read stuff like this in forwaded emails,but now that I have exprienced the next moment "not existing" I can actually understand it (kuch jayada senti nahi maar di maine ? I m sure u all will wet ur sofa with ur tears and cry out “Ab bass bhee kar , aur kitna rulayega” hehe :P).

So from there i move on..to a new tommorow, to a new day, to a new sunrise (But yaar saala Pune main sunrise hi nahi hota due to rain & clouds hehe :P ) and lastly I want to thank god for giving me life again,for telling me how precious it is,for making me value it much more than what I used to earlier.

Delhi i miss u

4th july,2009 ..... was the day when i went to delhi n today i want to share every emotion that was there in my mind when i was sitting in the plane – “so my plane reached Delhi Airport at 9’o clock in the morning.The pilot announced that the parking space has been occupied so we‘ll take 5-10 minutes and I want to write every emotion I am feeling at that moment.Gawwwwwd!!!I have missed Delhi!!Sooooooo much!!I cant wait to get down!! When I saw Delhi from up there in the plane, minutes before we landed, there was huge smile on my face ,its true! you don’t realize what you have been missing till you get it. I was trying to guess which one was the ring road from above.The road I used to take to travel everyday to college..Wow..its been 3 months..n it feels like ages.I was just dyyyyyyyyying to meet my parents and friends. I counted hours and minutes...oh btw flight was awesome. That’s what I felt while waiting to get off the plane as it landed on the Delhi airport.so here I am back in delhi and there truly is no place like home.And then I was obviously tuned back to old Anuj mode hehe...and thats exactly what I want myself to be forever..I cant imagine being so happy anywhere else as I am in Delhi..I have lived here for as long as I can remember.

Things that i miss n lov abt Delhi :

1.Delhi Roads : I have driven on that roads for yrs while going from one end of the city to the other end n theres nothing better on this earth then driving on Delhi roads.


2.The shor sharaba : Compared to the peace, I prefer delhi ka shor sharaba..honking on the roads unnecessarily, punjabi people chit-chattering away, the subziwaala shouting, cars blasting music at full volume..yes I luv the shor sharaba that delhi has.


3.Hot punjabi kudiyan : who wrote this on my blog ? :P

4.Chole bhature, tikki/chat at BTW, momos, paranthe, Kaventers, chole kulche, seekh kabab, butter/tandoori chicken yummmyyyy.......mummyyyyyyyyyyy :(

5.Delhi Metro


6.Delhi university / C.P. / Bungalow road / Rajouri Garden n list goes on....


Thats all I can think of right now..I would love to have your additions to the list!!I guess my love for Delhi is amply reflected in this post and I truly can love no city in the world like I love Delhi! I hope all those who r not currently in Delhi’ll also feel the same.

Pune di khabraan....

Alrite the punjabi in the title is intentional....coz i m so bloody fucked up wid all the marathi i get to hear all the time.... workplace.. buses... tv radio.... hoardings... autowallas.... shopkeepers (ohhh marathi..marathi..marathi tumhari ##%@#$^%$#). And u know when u end up feeling really dumb??? when there is some conversation or meeting going on n its in marathi and more disgusting when they talking abt u!! and ur mind goes with big question mark felling .I m seriously going to buy some translation book to understand all the "barobar" ,"sarke pude" and "thamba" i get to hear all the time! what crap!!! Moreover u have to start eating all those ghiya/tinda/tori stuff which u never even touched in ur past life.ohh n how can i forget bhelpuri,vada paav, misal paav,sev paav ....paav paav paav paav.....(ooo gaaawwd bula le mujhe bula le, uuper nahi delhi bula le). Or han one more dish called "kachi dabeli", its kachi(raw) not wat that u r thinking :P but thats wat i was also wondering in beginning bcoz they write everything in hindi here n in hindi u ll read it same wat u r thinking of. And just due to this i never eat this bcoz my mind was also puzzled with - "how to pronounce it ???".

yeah so i m in pune..the city of students and IT guys..literally...time here stops for me...no fun in office and no fun at flat....no fun in life...completely friendless (if thats not a word than assume that i invented it). I wont say i m loving my life here...n i wud definately be lying if i say i dont miss delhi, my parents n most of all my frends! ppl i miss u tons!

Enter the corporate world...discuss the day,news,work,code during lunches...sit on a seat n work 10-9..stay hush hush..dun trust anyone...wheres the fun part of life gone??? me wants college back! me wants the masti back!! most of all me wants my dost log back!!! hmm so thats about "wass up" of my life ...shud i complain?? isnt this all tht i wanted??? the boring life void of any twists and fun.

some months back when i was unemployed n got this job here then i was lukin at it frm different angle, i was thankful for my job (ohhh.....work culture is awesome.....a new change....and obviously the money hehe.... about living alone hmm definately makes u stronger.....makes u learn so many things.....also boredom can be so beneficial...to be bored is to stop reacting to the external world and to explore the internal one) but now all these fellings are vanished. when you dont really hav anyone, u realize one thing in life and that is u got to know abt all those persons who r important and close to you in ur life because u start missing them and vice versa coz they also start missing u. so thts how it is for me these days..n i wont say i m freaking happy.Theres lots more i want to write abt pune as a city...abt ppl here...but again im so not in mood! I miss every single thing abt my life in delhi....i really really really do! :(

And dont u all dare to write all these comments after reading this :-
we all r in same position so dont worry.......chill maar n hav fun.......thats the way life goes......Kuch Paane k liye kuch khona padta hai :P.......find some good frends......keep urself busy.......mast ho jayega thode time mein......bas 2-3 month ki or baat hai,recession khatam ho rha hai. :P :P :P

Give & u ll receive

It was 31st July 2009, i was on my way to have dinner, thinking that whether i should go for the Rs. 45 meal (non-veg) or the Rs. 30 one (veg), because i didnt have enough money with myself as it was the last day of the month.Things were bad — really bad. With a heavy heart and fifty rupees in my pocket, I was on my way to the student's mess to have my dinner. As I came to a traffic light on my way, I noticed on my right a poor young man, his wife and a child, sitting on the grass near the road.I stood there for a moment and watched them.

The man held up a tiffin box in his hand. The woman stood next to him. She just stared at the cars stopped at the red light. The child, probably about two years old, sat on the grass holding a one-armed doll.And then, the man opened that tiffen box. I saw just 2 pieces of bread in it and nothing else except their poor faces.I noticed all this untill the traffic cleared. I wanted so desperately to give them a few bucks, but if I would have done that, there wouldn’t be enough left for my dinner and milk which one of my roommate had asked me to bring.As i moved ahead to cross the road, I took one last glance at the three of them and the feeling of both guilt (for not helping them) and sadness (because I didn’t have enough money to share with them) overcame me.

As I kept walking, I couldn’t get the picture of the three of them out of my mind. The sad, haunting eyes of the young man and his family stayed with me for about a mile. I couldn't take it any longer. I felt their pain and had to do something about it. I turned around and walked back to where I had last seen them.I moved close to them and handed the man thirty out of fifty rupees that I had. There were tears in his eyes as he thanked me. I smiled and walked towards the market to find something else that would be cheaper and fulfill my hunger.I went to the market, still thinking about the whole incident, yet feeling good about what I had done. As I stepped into the market, my foot slid on something on the pavement. There by my feet was a 100 rupee note. I just couldn’t believe it. I looked all around, picked it up with awe, went into the mess and had my dinner (Rs45 meal hehe) and purchased not only milk for my roommate, but also for myself.

I ll never forget this incident. This will always remind me that the universe was strange and mysterious. It confirmed my belief that you could never out to give the universe. I gave away thirty rupees and got hundred in return. On my way back from the market, i came back to that hungry family and gave fifty more rupees to them which were remaining with me.This incident is one of many happiest moment that have occurred in my life. It seems that the more we give, the more we get. It is, perhaps, one of those saying which goes like, “If you want to receive, you must first give.”

Most of the times, we think that we don’t have anything to give. Yet, if we look more closely, we’ll see that even the little we have could be shared with others. Let us not wait for a time when we think we’ll have lots and then we’ll give. By giving and sharing the little we have, we open up our heart to this universe and permit lots of blessings to come our way.

So just honestly try to give and you’ll be surprised at the results. May be, the returns do not come back instantly but it will come back later when you will not be expecting it.But be assured of this: Give and you will receive and you’ll receive lots more than you ever gave.And when you give, don’t do it with a heart of fear, but with a heart full of gratitude. You will be amazed at how it all works out.Open the gates of your heart in your life by giving a bit of what you have to those in need.

Challenging Myself

I find that I am not satisfied exactly with how skilled (or rather unskilled) as a person I am at this point.Because whenever i see some art or talent in someone else, i try to bring that art in me (already tried my hands in sketching, guitar, sports and acting which i use in playing pranks and i think i am good in it :P).so what I am going to do now is to challenge myself with new art (writing this time) in order to hopefully make me a more skillful person. I am going to pick any topic that comes to my mind and try to write as much material (humorous) as I can about it.I am not sure if this will be enjoyable for you to read, but i would post each topic on my blog to see what you think. I hope this will improve my ability to be relative, notice small details, and think things out. Which will in turn make me a better writer. Hope you enjoy what i write in the future.

Hi everybuddy

Hi everybuddy.... ohh sorry, it should be Hello World! (I m an IT guy so in our life "Hello World!" should traditionally the first thing to do with any new beginning). So....

class myfirstpost

{
  public static void main(String args[])
  {
     System.out.println("Hello World!");
  }
}

Welcome to the very last post in this blog - at least if you're reading the posts in reverse-chronological order the way they're presented by default. Silly, eh?

This blog is all about how I feel , my confessions , memories and what is going on around me. And later when I'm older I want to remember it. But I'm not so gud in writing and too uncreative to think of anything good. I want it short, simple yet very catchy. Please help me with my mistakes (but dont write it as comment otherwise everyone will know about that :P) and be more creative than me in replying :)