The side effects of winters

This fucking cold has closed some windows of many houses permanently, where some "chaand ke tukde resides!" The open windows made us feel good, obviously... but, also gave the "chaand ke tukde" chances to show her "chaandni". But, these fucking winters, have let us guys go no where! The rest of the things are accomplished when girls comes out with completely hidden from top to bottom with TOO many clothes to protect themself from winters, which is so irritating. Those "chaand ke tukde" is being more of a brand ambassador of woollen clothes, these days!

The worst effect of this extreme cold can be seen on young and so called "cool" guys like us. Come on, tell me... the hairstyle on which we spend thousands of rupees, and hours of our day; we need to hold it by a  muffler/cap, which seems to me like some powerful snake!? The same bike/car which we never drive below the speed of 80-90, and NEVER thought ourselves less than "John Abraham" of Dhoom, is also compromised, with the maximum speed of 30-40 with a helmet on our head, with too many fucking woollen clothes. Our body, which was made after hours of work outs in a gym is dying to expose ourselves. Fuck it?! And some of you tell me that you guys like winters? Give me a break, instead.

When our hands and legs start shivering like anything 'cause of this excessive cold, it makes me feel as if we've the soul of "Auro from Paa" in our body, now... suffering from progeria. Or, at times... makes us feel as a dyslexic child from "TZP!" This extreme cold has made me an "idiot" of the Bollywood junk, here!

Anyway, there IS nothing special about my winters. actually. Nothing more than being in a quilt, with a blower on... and drinking some EXTRA HOT coffee, or tea!

BUT, when I, see those broken, destroyed huts of the poor ones, I feel hurt! In fields and on footpaths, the poor labourers, those shivering old beggars, those cold yet hardworking rickshaw pullers, I feel overwhelmed! And the only thing which actually my brain has at that moment is that, "Hey God! Either wake up our human spirits so that we can help the needy ones, and make this world a better place to live in... Or, fuck the ones who actually are sleeping peacefully, instead of helping these poor ones, and still are lying peacefully on their cozy bed!" Yes, I'm talking about the so called "Prashasan" of the cities we live in.

I wish, there was an election nearby, so if... any politician, even for his selfishness, could've given these needy ones some "woollen clothes", or some thing to help them!? Maybe. Just maybe!

Beta tu aaj ek saal ka ho gaya

On this day last year I started blogging and entered into the blogging world. I was not quite sure then for how long I would be able to keep up the effort and one year seemed a long time. I write on any topic that interested me rather than try and figure out what would appeal to others. I have stuck to that formula ever since and that has made the task of writing easier.

I still remember the day when someone suggested me to start a blog. I was very diffident about writing something in public, but trust me folks, its just the start what you need. I'll be very frank, I was an introvert before starting this blog, thinking what would be the people's reaction towards my blog. Sometimes I used to think, "My language of presentation isn't that great compared to my angreji bolne vale friends :P", "What shall I write? What topics to choose? What if I start and people don't read it, thinking its not upto their level?" But an year of experience has taught me a lot.

It really feels good when someone comments on my blog but still i have to tell my friends that i have written new post so please read it and thats what i dont like. I want them to give open suggestions, so that I am able to know what people really expect from me. Please post your valuable suggestions, so that I can be a better blogger.

And now let me wish my blog -

Me : abe oo "http://www.idontneedanystinkintitle.blogspot.com" Happy bday
Blog : thanks
Me : ek saal ka ho gaya tu, party kahan hai?
Blog : jahan tu bole bhai
Me : rhene de saale imaginary human being, teri party main paise mere hi lagne hain
Blog : hmmm vo to hai,...can i give a speech?
Me : sure
Blog : First of all, I would like to thank everyone who supported me and commented on me.
Me : WAIT !....abe oo tujhe koi oscar nahi mila ye kya bol rha hai?
Blog : Abe ruk na bolne de
Me : bol le, main to chala bye
Blog : Bye ..... This is just the type of platform anuj needed to express his views. And i think he is been successful in expressing his thoughts through my posts, So guys a great cheers to all those who supported me from the bottom of my heart.
Me : abe oo main gaya nahi...kisko thanks kar rha hai?....koi nahi padta tujhe.
Blog : Tu dekhiyo ek din bache bache k mhu par mera naam hoga.
Me : abe oo hindi movie k hero bahut ho gaya, chal aab nikal yahan se.

Cup of goodness

Bachpan se we have been taught "Achai ka phal humesha acha hota hai" (One good turn begets another) but I am not really sure this saying holds true anymore......

    * A couple of days ago, me and my friend were going somewhere. On the way, i decided to eat sandwich which my mom had packed for me. Spotting an elderly man next to us and staring at us while eating, i asked my friend that we should offer him a sandwich. "Uncle bhuke lag rahe hain" i said. As my friend nodded in approval, i reached out and offered him a sandwich. The guy refused and in his booming voice said "Nahi nahi, agar main yeah sandwich khaunga toh main bhi tumhare tarah mota ho jaaunga...Apna size dekho aur apne friend se kuch seekho..thoda patla hone ki koshish karo" Stunned, i didn't know how to respond. We moved from there, but not before I had given the guy a piece of my mind.

    * Travelling to noida by metro, I was standing for nearly an hour. When I finally got a seat, I gratefully gave my poor tired legs some rest. A couple of minutes later, a lady got in with one child in her arms and another by her side. Trying to balance herself and the child, she tried adjusting her purse. I looked around. There were people who were sitting for the last one hour but not one moved a muscle. No one offered her a seat. My tired legs complained. "You dont need to give up your seat" they told me. Suddenly the metro gave a jerk and the lady lost her balance. She crashed against a rod but managed to save the child from getting hurt. And yet no one moved. Ignoring my feet, I got up and offered her my seat. She sat down gratefully and both her kids found a cozy place to sit. I did not get another seat for the next 30 minutes and I reached noida with painful feet.

    * Once again on a metro ride to noida, I saw a pair of twins barely 3-4 years old, looking for place in the crowded compartment. The babies couldn't stand for a minute without being stamped on by someone. I got up and offered them my seat. Out of nowhere, their mom came hurriedly, asked the kids to get up and sat down. The kids were left looking for space again.

If they say, a good turn begets another.I have yet to see that happen. These 3 incidents in the last one week have left me questioning my beliefs. And this is not just about offering food to strangers or giving up my seat in crowded public transport.

I often wonder if there is any point being nice and kind to anyone especially when you dont seem to get any kindness from anyone around you. If good karma attracts good things into your life, shouldn't bad karma attract bad things? If yes, how come some of the meanest and nastiest people I know, are also the most successful and happy people I have seen? If there are no shortcuts to success, how come there are people who have taken shortcuts and are still successful. Why does life seem so freaking unfair at times that it threatens to destroy the goodness in you? I know everything turns out fine in the end, but what if the end comes too late? What if by the time things turn fine, I no longer care?

Jingle jingle sabki pocket, jingle jingle bell.....Apne paas to sikka single, so what the hell !

Kabhi to kismat hi-fi hamari ho
Kabhi to apne paas bhi gaadi ho
Kabhi to pocket mein currency karari ho
Kabhi to apni kisi ladki se yaari ho
Kabhi to apni bhi abroad jane ki tayari ho
Kabhi kabhi aisa lagey, yeh bhi kum hai khwaishein
Khuda mera poocha kare, wishes meri and he'll pay the bill
Jingle jingle sabki pocket, jingle jingle bell
Apne paas to sikka single, so what the hell

Wishing something is what a human being do whole the time. When we wish something then we do efforts to fulfill our wishes. I sometimes wish that i do something this big that the people around, know me for what i do, remember me for that.


There are two problem with me wishing something…

1) I don’t wish that often.

2) When i wish, i dont put an effort to fulfill it.

But success comes to those who-

a) Deserves it

b) Have luck with them

c) Destiny


Most important is the deserving candidate gets it, deserving and hard working people are the one who should have a taste of success. Luck is what is needed by the needy person, who needs the success to achieve what he wish from way inside his senses. Luck also needs a kind of path to travel to the target person. Its not like you get lucky sitting at home without even moving a bit. A step has to be taken toward the goal. Destiny, it also plays a important role in what you try to do. It seems that certain situations are like you can have your hand on somethings but, you can’t. You will be wondering at last, where you went wrong. The reason you should have is “Something better is waiting for you :)” . So, loosing some is also winning something else, if not now then in future :) may be something better. The wait will make us strong and will teach us in this path a lot about life.

These are the lines used to console the looser like me at this moment :D . But its the case in real, there are somethings that you don’t dream of but it happens. This is the interest that keeps us in the game of life, the happening of the unexpected.

Inspirational

Living on the edge funny auditions

Killed another day

I went out of house today in morning. Just to pick the paper. Then I came back in and slept and slept some more. I woke up and then I slept again. I've not taken bath today, havn't had a decent meal and the only words I've spoken have been on the phone and that was also a wrong number. The world outside might as well be dead for me and I just might be the only living person here. But that's not the truth. I've spent my day online watching youtube videos, surfing internet, and just plain wasting time. I read some 100 pages of a book that I has been stuck for past like 1 month. It's a boring book, but I am determined to finish it. I am close now. Some 100 more pages to go and it still has not gotten interesting.

I've listened to music. A lot of music, and ofcourse, Euphoria-mhefuz. It's the most beautiful song and it's very sad too. If you listen to it when you are sad you just might commit suicide. Then i  read the newspaper. It's shit. Like always. Saw ocean series on my PC with one big pepsi and maggi noodles. It was nice (not only movie).

Panga

You know, all the pangas you face in this life, from a quarrel with the subjiwala over the rates of tinda to dropping your cellphone in a drain, can be classified in three distinct categories, ascending in order of their gravity.

The smallest and most chindi sort of pangas. Not very dangerous, if you remain as calm as a dead rabbit. let me explain you with example - Me entering home after drinking quarter bottle of Magic Moments Apple flavour.

Mummy : tere mhu se smell kesi aa rahi hai?

Me : nahi to

Mummy : pii k aa rha hai na?

Me : main kabhi nahi pita

Mummy : hmmm...

Then there is the little more jaanleva category of pangas. Still manageable, I would say, if you can put on a facial expression as wooden as John Abraham’s. A week later than the aforementioned incident involving me and my mother, me once again entering home after drinking half bottle of Magic Moments Apple flavour.

Mummy : aaj fir smell aa rahi hai

Me : kesi? Apple ki hogi....Appy Fizz pii hai maine

Mummy : hmmm...

But then, there is the biggest sort of panga, big enough to wipe out the dinosaurs upto the last inch of their tails, a panga scarier than Archana Puran Singh’s laughter on Dolby surround. The sort of panga which happens when one warm evening after the aforementioned incidents, me entering home again after drinking full bottle of Whisky this time.

Mummy : bahar nikal ja, aaj koi bahana nahi chalega, sab pata hai mujhe

Me : mayyyyeneeeee naaaaai pooiii....

But sorry, i was caught this time, i was feeling so frustrated, upset, angry, sad and my mom is not talking to me after this incident. So ladies, gentlemen and the members of ayepaisanikaalna (yaar ye jisne decode kiya na usko main apna sabse favorite song sunaunga :P, comments mei likhna.) , over the last 8 months, I have discovered that I have taken a panga with life, which belongs to the third variety. If I try to discover where to start, I will be busy discovering, so if I winzip the agenda, my life over this duration is represented fairly by one glimpse of the flashback ( Yes, you are supposed to read that in Black and White font.)

Venue: My boss’s cabin (Aloha Technology, Pune)

Me : "I dont wanna continue."

Boss: "You want to think again?"

Me (thought to myself- Anuj, think again. It has been proved that a man without money and job is mathematically equal to man without a girl within a radius of atleast Five kilometers): "No."

Boss : "I would say, give it a thought."

Me (thought to myself – So I need to get to a distance of more than 5 kilometers from myself to get married !) : "Nopes, I already have thought, I do not want to continue."

Boss : "Ok."

And with that two lettered 'Ok', I quit my first job, to join the vella group of this world again. I mean, picture this for a perspective – Every morning you walk to the ocean with a bucket, towel and lux ( aur kya ?) to take a bath, and then one day you decide to take a dip in the water accumulated inside a shoe. Or another view, you have been eating a cheeseburst pizza with oodles of toppings every day, and then one day you are supposed to burp after chewing your fingernails. Just as a demonstration of how ridiculously paagal I felt about myself. But I just had to do it. We spend all our lives being scared of “what if”, but once you walk out a situation you do not enjoy and face the fear, you discover it was not that bad. I mean, yeah, your parents will think you have been smokin weed and all the frnds who thought you were sensible would not even like talking to you, but you would not be scared anymore. I mean , you are facing it right there, so you are not scared of the future. I needed to do it so that I am not scared of the future. Makes sense? Not to most of the people around me, but it sure feels good.

So bhaiyya , the whole thing is, that job mein panga, and personal life mein panga. Watt itni lagee hai life mein ki kaano se smoke nikal aya, but watt lagne ke baad hee to the irons is converted into the golds !!! ( wow man, the day I am converted into gold, I would sell off an ear and buy myself a sportsbike ).

Life has been as dizzy as a polythene caught under a ceiling fan on full speed, but hopefully, I shall come through and survive like a strong polythene. Hopefully you guys will see me fighting it out, getting a stable job and life. And hence finding myself looking at a happy future of working 6 days a week and paying huge bills. Chalo aap log bhee kuch kaam etc kar lo, hope all of you face equally big jhatkas so that I feel nicer in comparison. Areee tension mat lo yaar, i m not like that, i always think positive for others.

Inside the Mind of an Insomniac

What do you do with that time when the rest of the world is sleeping? I lay in bed at night and that is when the depression hit me full force. I lay motionless. I start thinking of every person in my life one by one. I often lie awake at night worrying about the ill effects of getting too little sleep. I have even read that not sleeping can cause you to gain weight, especially if you get out of bed in the middle of the night to eat something.

My problem is that my brain seems to come alive when I try to sleep. Lying there, I wind up having an interior dialogue, like this:

Me: Okay, lights are out. Time to sleep.

Brain: Now would be a good time to worry about your life.

Me: No! There's nothing I can do about my life right now.

Brain: I disagree. We can calculate how long it will take you to get ur life on right way.

Me: How ?

Brain: I have many suggestions for you.

Me: No thanks, i dont need it.

Brain: But please think about your life.

Me: Just stop, okay? No more thoughts.

Brain: why are you so depressed?

Me: i said stop please.

Brain: hey it would be great for you, just go and hang out tomorrow.

Me: with whom?....alone?

Brain: Hmmmm...point!....Why dont you leave your home?

Me: But if i ever leave tomorrow, will all be happier or what?

Brain: Hahaha who cares?

Me: ya right! everyone is busy with their own lives and worries. But no, i will not do this. Calm down, this is going to pass.

Brain: No, you are so fucked up. This is how you ll feel for rest of your life.

Me: Ok whatever, i get used to it.

Brain: Hahahahaha.....

Me: Cant you tell me something funny ? so that i can have a healthy sleep.

Brain: hey do you remember that public toilet was closed yesterday. why? Are they afraid someone will clean it?

Me: I dont know.

Brain: Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?

Me: are you crazy?

Brain: If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

Me: pata nahi.

Brain: Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?

Me: hahaha why are you thinking this, it's none of your business.

Brain: Ok next one. If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take their nose ring out. Does fluid come out of the piercing hole?

Me: please sone de yaar.

Brain: ok now, the serious one. why do man have nipples?

Me: yaar please so ja, its 4am now.

Brain: You asked me to talk about something funny.

Me: sorry! my mistake.

Brain: Are you sleepy yet?

Me: Yes! Let's go to sleep.

Brain: fine!

Happy birthday to me

 

For others, when they have a birthday, I'm all happy and giggly! I'm so happy about the whole day for them! It's great! And I feel like celebrating with them, all night long! And I do, if they live close-by! ;-) Anyway, wishing others a happy birthday and giving them gifts is a good feeling.

But for myself... I felt a lot sad and lonely on this birthday. No friends on that day, for me. I  spend my birthday alone. Of course my parents were there with me, during that day, but they're always around me anyhow. It would be nice to just have friends around for once. :-(

When my birthday rolls around it's a reminder to me of how things never really change and it makes me feel lonely all over again. It makes me feel pathetic to be this old and still so dependent on other people, and to be so childish that a lack of birthday celebration is even something that bothers me. I really hate it. I wish it were easier to just ignore the day.

yawaaaan...... happy new year

Anuj's reflection (to anuj) - "abe oo feb chal rha hai , title hta , kuch or likh !"

Anuj - "mera blog hai , tu kon hota hai saale bhag yahan se"
 

Hi ! Before anything , a very happy new year to you (thoda sa late ho gaya :P). Hope you gain peace , prosperity , lots of girlfrnds/boyfrnds and the keys to your neighbour's car in 2010. I know its been a long time now, in fact, this is so long, i almost forgot my blogspot password and spent half an hour guessing it.

Reason for not blogging : Abe oo koi padta to hai nahi, or vese bhi koi kyon padega, im not a good-looking female who likes posting naked pictures of herself in her blog. And do u think people really want to spend their time to find out what an unemployed insane guy has to say. (Par koi tension nahi, if nobody reads my blog. Thats okay, but I'll still keep writing. At least I entertain myself. :P) Enough beta enough, Now its time to move to the topic.

This time i wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain mails to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 and continuing it in 2010 also.......I m tired of chain mails by few of my friends who are on the way of becoming professional chain mail senders. But thanks anyways, because of your kindness:

* I have Forwarded hundreds of mails but still waiting for FREE DESKTOP, LAPTOP, CAMERA, CELLPHONE etc…..

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo...

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.... (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

* Still open to help somebody from Nigeria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy.

* I have forwarded 35 emails to 400 people hoping that Ericsson or Nokia will send me latest mobile phones but those models are also obsolete now.

* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi Balaji pics etc. Now most of those 'Wishes' are already married (to someone else).

NOW IMPORTANT NOTE :
If you do not send this blog post to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will Pee on your head today at 6:30pm.
Nothing has happened till now......... ......... ..... but who knows. So please forward. :P

REQUEST - I don't read the chain mails. So, please don't send it to me.

Or han date sheet aa gayi hai, tayari shuru kar do
7th feb - rose day
8th feb - purpose day
9th feb - Chochlate day
10th feb - Teddy day
11th feb - Promise day
12th feb - hug day
13th feb - Kiss day
14th feb - valentines day